The piece of equipment that helps me love, is in sever pain, and have internal bleeding.
The damage can not be repaired, and I'm not sure I want it to be repaired.
I fell in love with someone who only had thought to love, but never really wanted to love.
And now here I sit in front of this computer, this instrument, of local, domestic, and international, desire to find something that is real, that does not exist.
I'm begging myself for forgiveness for putting myself through this turmoil again. You think you learn the first 3 times, and lesson so easily put, until you feel the pain again.
I didn't die last, and I probably will not die this time, but last time, I lost myself, and this time, I probably lose myself, because it is now obvious that I can not be trusted with my desires and emotions. I can't trust me,because every time I do, I crush, and torment me, I forget about me,
I punish me, I surfer because of me.
And to this guy who played with me, I wish you the very best. I hope you don't lose the sleep I lose at night. I hope you don't cry the tears I release in agony at night. I hope you don't have to walk around with broken equipment, in your that make is the key that hold one's life together, and I hope you never fall in love with a person, who don't love you, so you will never have to share my experience ...
While on earth, the human spirit goes through so many trials and tribulations. Love is perhaps the center for all the chaos we think we endure while alive. What is love exactly if its almost always expressed differently among friends, family and between lovers? I myself have gone through so many different heart breaks, feeling more scared by each successive one. But now, I'd like to think that these are only struggles that I must go through, to prepare myself for that ultimate bond so that when I am in that loving situation, it won't be short-lived at all. Maybe you're going through a phase of "practice" so that when you meet someone, all the practical knowledge you've gained from previous experiences will turn out to form something perfect. Allow yourself to be stronger than you already are and I'm certain you'll find him if you haven't already encountered him.
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